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Those companies. They DO like to sell you some crap, don’t they? Here are the most futile, useless accessories yet pawned off on the public by our friends, the gaming industry.
Game Boy Radio
This was the gimmick in which Game Boy thought people would get in line for a cheap, toy radio that says ‘Game Boy’ when for the same money (or less) they could get a real radio, with good audio and a solid chassis.
Gaming is a thumb-driven activity. At one point Nintendo decided that was oppressive. Let’s get all the other fingers involved! In theory, it sort of makes sense. But gamers just don’t want to game through a typewriter.
Kinect Game Boat
The Game Boat was an inflated raft that you sat in while playing ‘Kinect Adventures’. All for ‘realism’. But nobody wants to sit in an inflated rubber raft while they’re gaming. Do you?
Wii Sports Accessories
You’ve got to hand it to them. Companies keep trying to come up with the Big Wii Accessory. And no one ever succeeds. No one.
Resident Evil 4 Chainsaw
A fake chainsaw might be fine as a prop. It doesn’t work so well as a gaming console. There can never be enough space between the buttons and the blade.
Part of the problem is the motion sensors, which never quite responded sharply. Part of it is that people actually need to use their hands from time to time.
The idea was that it would be cool to look cool, like a Borg, while you’re gaming. The problem turned out to be the microphone, through which wearers were forced to bark commands, As a practical matter, it meant sitting in a room yelling all night. Who needs that? Not your roommates, that’s who.
Turbo Touch 360
So sensitive you hardly have to touch it! Think how rested your hands will be. Turns out gamers don’t need rested hands. They do need a clear sense of when they’re ‘shooting’ and when they’re ‘not shooting’.
NYKO Hip Clip
Game Boy decided one day that it didn’t want to hide its glory inside gamers’ grimy pockets. They should be worn out in the open, proudly! The result was a lot of cracked and broken Game Boys.
Xbox Fat Controller
When XBox hit it big, no one claimed it was on account of its controller. That device was an awkward, hateful thing.